Profound sadness , anguish and restlessness sets in. We go out of the way, we search and cry ourselves hoarse ...women are known to do this and more when the desire to be in a happy marriage is frustrated. We even risk our lives in the pursuit of this happiness. Some have starved themselves, bleached their skin and swallowed dangerous substances in a bid to make themselves more attractive n order to attract the love of that man they want or feel they deserve. Women fight each other physically, verbally and emotionally trying to outdo the other woman so as to get that man. When we lose the love of this man, We become desperate and lose our sense of self. Our self esteem is crushed, we feel ugly and hopeless. Some have committed suicide or attempted , all because they felt life was not worth living without that man.
And yet , there is one simple and effective way to reach for what we want or deserve. This method is so simple that many disregard it completely. It is called self- love. How does loving yourself guarantee you get what you want? When you love yourself, you are in touch with who you are, your essence. You set boundaries and you are aware of your worth. You know there is more to you than the other person, and so you cannot be defined by the other person. When you love yourself, the last thing you want to do is hurt yourself. So you do not show desperation but an attitude of completeness. You are comfortable in your own skin and thus are less swayed by other people's opinions.
This attitude makes you independent and attractive and draws to you what you want or deserve.
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However, I know and have seen my martenal great -grandmother. She left the planet when I was already 18 and so I had enough time to interact with her and experience first hand what everyone was talking about. My great grandmother was known as Azumba (not sure what that means) though it sounded sacred. She used to visit my mother often and insisted on cooking her own meals even though she looked frail and old. She is the one who taught me how to cook our staple meal (sadza). She told me to climb on a chair as I was only 9 years old and the stove was much higher than me such that I could not even see the pot. So I had to climb on the chair for me to see what I was doing and she stood by with a stick in hand , ready to lash me if I did the wrong thing. Therefore,I grew up knowing she was a no nonsense woman and she would tell me stories of what life was like during her time. I had so much respect mixed with fear of her. My mother recounted to me how Azumba was so intelligent. She married the man who was the first black interpreter of the Salisbury High Court in the then Rhodesia and she was one of the first black women to drive a car at that time. She actually lived a life of luxury despite the fact that her husband had more than one wife as was traditionally accepted for a well-to-do man. She insisted on sending all her children to school even though her husband preferred to send the boys. So when my grandmother (her daughter) decided to elope with her boyfriend as was the norm at the time, my great was disappointed. But she still made sure she protected her children and so went on to take responsibility for my mother's upbringing as my mother was her first grandchild. Azumba made sure my mother would get an education up to standard 6 which was quite an achievement at the time. She taught my mother how to fend for herself and encouraged her throughout. That is why she would visit us more often. In fact , hers was the first ever funeral that I attended because when she passed on ,she had just left my mother's house. So I really felt hurt and very sad when the news of her death came through.
Thus , Azumba became a role model for my mother and for me. I learnt a lot about my own abilities and self-worth and was given the same opportunities that had been given to my mother. My mother made sure that Azumba's legacy is passed on and so I have picked up the baton and I am passing it on through my daughters. So Kudos to my Great Grandmother!!
TYPES OF LOVE
DIVINE LOVE VS CONDITIONAL LOVE
This is going to be a series of articles about love. In my previous instalment I talked about love in respect to self, God and your neighbour. This article will discuss the concept of divine love or unconditional love in comparison to conditional or selfish love.
What is Divine Love?
It is the purest form of love given regardless of conditions, expectations or benefit. This is the love we receive from our creator. Despite our weaknesses, or the choices we make, God loves us all the same. It is difficult for us as human beings to practice this kind of love – Usually we attach a result or a condition for loving someone. It could just be for us to feel good about ourselves. As long as the condition is removed or we stop deriving the benefit, we withdraw the love. Have you ever caught yourself declaring that you once loved someone but this and that happened and how the love is gone? This is not pure love but conditional love. What it means is that you were happy loving the other person as long as you were receiving the benefit but things changed. Even parents struggle to love their children unconditionally. Life happens and we may get hurt and it puts condition on our love for our own creation. We say “If only this child would listen to me …” If we have more than one child we end up playing favourite i.e. loving one more than the other. All this boils down to the same thing – conditional love. We even love God as long as we can feel that he is doing something for us, even though he loves us with our imperfection.
Is it therefore possible for a human being to love unconditionally? I believe we can if we ask the spirit of God to teach us how to love. God is love, perfect love so he can show us how it’s done. However, I also think it takes a lot of effort and dedication. What the universe does is that as soon as we ask for something, we get it and we also get some lessons or trials that will test our sincerity or ability to sustain what we have asked for. So when you pray for unconditional love you receive however, you may find that the person who you are trying to love starts pushing your buttons, getting onto your nerves. This makes you want to give up but there is a greater reward if you can stick it through the pain. It’s called the pain of loving someone but it does not last. After the pain comes the bliss from knowing that you love someone despite their warts and all through thick and thin. In the end you can observe their antics and smile as they behave like a spoiled brat just like we all do before God. Is this not beautiful? When we practice divine love we become more and more like God as he is love and our mission on earth is to love. We are in the school of love, learning how to love unconditional. We also need to love ourselves despite our weaknesses and short comings and all the mistakes we have made in life. Simply because God loves us all the same
ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE
The good old Bible has this as one of the teachings of Jesus. During his time on earth Jesus taught many critical principles of life. It is however, disturbing to note that many people ignore these teachings much to their peril.
I have personally experienced the principle of asking and it has proven to be very effective in my life. I actually discovered that people perish because they are afraid to ask or feel so ashamed of disclosing their crisis or need. Imagine that you had a boil in a very sensitive part of your body and thus you cannot sit without experiencing excruciating pain, guilt and shame. However, you feel so ashamed to disclose this fact to others and you force yourself to sit and risk experiencing this pain. If on the other hand you disclose your condition, other people may end up offering you special treatment and cushions to make sure you are comfortable.
FEAR AND HUMAN ANGELS
Fear of asking has often resulted in people turning into thieves. They would rather take without asking and end up destroying relationships. I have discovered that we have human angels living among us, waiting to rescue us each time we ask. Have you ever noticed how some people just appear at the right time to provide for your needs?
ACT ON YOUR FAITH
In a way we ask God but we do not express our needs to others. But some of our needs require human intervention so our faith needs action. So many times I have prayed over a need and next moment when I just mention my needs to someone, even in passing, I have been surprised by their reaction. It’s as if the universe was just waiting for me to break the fear and shame for it to start pouring provisions on to my lap. I believe in miracles because I have seen them happening in my life at that point when I have expressed desperation or a serious need – a human angel appears to lift me from my crisis. So usually I tell people that God is my Provider and I will never lack and this is true as many people are just waiting for an opportunity to serve me.
Some time back I listened to a Pastor preaching about how angels are sent to deliver and provide for our needs. At that time, I thought these were not physical beings and wondered how they would accomplish the task except in a dream. But as I started gradually expressing my needs, I found that the answers came faster than when I just prayed and kept to myself. I activated human angels to save me and come to my rescue.
Do you have a need? What is it that you need help with? Ask and you shall receive because your human angel is waiting.
RECLAIMING MY HTM in 2017!
To reclaim is to make functional or useful again this is usually after something has been abused or wasted away. Think of reclaiming land for farming after it has been eroded by gullies stones and floods. You would seriously go to work and dedicate resources to the process to make it work.
H stands for Health, T stands for Time and M stands for Money
Reclaiming my Health: After years of reckless living on unhealthy diets with lots of fat, sugar, starches and all the other poisonous staff, I looked myself in the mirror and did not like the picture. I could look brighter, livelier only if I could start eating right. Eating right starts from the frame of my mind. I need to be relaxed about food and take time to analyse what I’m taking in. For instance, eating the same old meat and vegetables with sadza may seem very cultural but may also be the lazy woman’s escape from having to whip up a recipe. Whipping up a healthy recipe does not translate to more money either. So really there is no excuse to keep pushing junk down my throat because life is tough and the cost of living is high. Let me begin my research into the field of simple healthy eating. So I was talking to my American sister of colour on skype and she happened to share how she was on a gut cleanse routine…What? It sounds complicated but she tried to simplify for me and one thing I understood is that she has completely gone off sugar, but my daughter had previously warned me about this. So first resolution is to cut out sugar from my diet and I mean the processed type that we add on, not the natural one that comes with the plant, so watch this space.
Reclaiming my Time: Oh this is a big one. In the past year I have been torn into many pieces trying to do all that was in my plate and I think it’s now time to slow down and breathe. I need to strategise, streamline, prioritise, cut down, cutoff and create more time for meaningful staff. Anything not supporting the vision that I am now operating in or not aligned with my purpose will be relegated to the periphery to be done when everything else has been said and done. So this means unsubscribing from unnecessary emails. Anything that I have received but not read in a week has to go. I need time to attend to the personal, professional and global aspects of my purpose. My personal purpose means connecting more with the real authentic me and my needs. Projecting the real me into the world and developing myself. So this process incorporates time for reading widely about my focus dream, taking time on my doctorate studies and allowing time to rest, exercise , do my spiritual thing and remain grounded. My time will not be spread too thin on unnecessary tasks again. This is my second resolution going into 2017. As for my profession, I need to work at creating prosperity which will in turn allow me time to work more on expanding the vision. My global calling is in healing and as a healer, I need to devote time to my healing gifts using them and applying them to the service of others. I also need to feed my spiritual practice by connecting more with source and using tools that open me up to be more.
Reclaiming my Money: Yes I mean literally taking back my money – a good financial practice means being disciplined enough to spend on the right things, I have been guilty of trying out new things at my expense but not following through, so where I have been supporting causes unnecessarily, I withdraw and that includes tithing to the right place where I am being nourished. I withdraw and close out subscriptions that I have maintained for years but with no show of return. I want only to pay for something that will advance the vision. So before I click pay, it has to pass the test. My monetary units will now go where my intentional units are producing a profitable result. So the purging process has just begun and this will leave no stone unturned. Resolutions of 2017 is financial discipline.
Let’s connect again in the new year and review progress. I really want to be accountable.Contact me with Comments and views.
WHAT IS LOVE?
Love is all encompassing. All the healing in the world is premised on Love, Divine Love. There are many methods but one God. God is Love, Love is the source of life, with Love you flourish, you have a reason to live. If love is withdrawn there is no reason to live and evil persists. Evil is LIVE spelt backwards.
When you have lived a life of struggle and fear, then the devil is said to be in control. Devil is LIVED spelt backwards. This means instead of going forward and progressing in life, you are living life in backward motion, in past hurts, emotions, events etc. It is a struggle, you are striving and not thriving.
An example of the effects of lack of love is that of a woman who realizes that her husband withdraws love from her. She becomes traumatized by this to the extent of blaming herself or blaming it on witchcraft or evil spirits. She strives to win the affection of her husband and goes to all lengths to secure his love. She may feel that life is a struggle and is not worth living or even endanger her life by getting involved in desperate acts like fighting, consulting prophets, magicians etc. to get love portions to administer to her husband.
Are you struggling with emotions of hate, anger or fear of the unknown? Do you have past disappointments emotional wounds or feelings that have caused your love to grow cold or lukewarm? Then you need to start the inner work that is required to shift your life from that of striving to thriving.
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Valentine’s Day Ideas
It is that time of the year again when lovers across the globe scramble for Valentines Day ideas for gifts and activities to woo their loved ones. Love and romance are like a plant, they tend to wither and die if left untended. So it is important to keep refreshing the relationship by the words and actions that we share with our partners.
Valentine’s Day is a tradition and it comes every 14th February. The tradition’s origins are variedly explained depending on where one comes from. According to Wikipedia, it is a Christian celebration in memory of a martyr named Valentinus who before his execution for performing forbidden marriages, wrote a letter to his jailer’s daughter and signed it, “Your Valentine”. There are however several other versions of saints bearing the same name, ”Saint Valentine”. The day is however celebrated all over the world signifying love.
Regardless of its origins, it is wisdom for someone in a relationship to make an effort to make their partner feel loved, appreciated and special. It can only come back to you, so there are many benefits. At this time; love notes, cards, flowers, teddy bears, poems and gifts, all with a red romantic theme are exchanged. Yet it is not uncommon to find yourself struggling and tearing your hair for some fresh hot Valentines Day ideas that will excite and impress your partner. Some believe that it is the men who should be showering the ladies with gifts and initiating activities and yet others say that it is the ladies turn every leap year.
Whichever way it goes, it is important to always be prepared so that when it’s your turn, you know what to do. Hence, it is also important to keep looking for new Valentine’s Day ideas and these can be found in many places including online. There are books, videos and articles that address this issue. Of particular interest is an e-book I found that is now available online for instant download. It is entitled, “Valentine’s Day Magic” and it is full of fresh ideas. Grab this e-book now! It comes with resell rights, that is, you can re-sell it also if you like.
If you have done everything else from dinners, to gifts, to flowers and are at a loss as to what to do next, then I recommend that you checkout this e-book: Valentine’s Day Magic. You will get valuable and fresh Valentines Day ideas that will put you ahead of the game, plus you will be able to impress your loved one.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
They say if you believe it and you say it out loud, then so will
it be. Yes, the power of words is so amazing. For some time now I have been weary of writing anything-short of words and could not get myself to hold that pen or hit the keypad of my laptop. I just couldn’t, period.
Did I even know what was going on? No. But did I even care? Yes.
It bothered me a lot why I was going about numb like a zombie-as if sedated or stone dead! I did not have any motivation at all and it’s been 3 months. Not to say it didn’t bother me. Oh God it did but I just didn’t have the energy to address the issue.
Then one day, I got inspiration after an unusual dream. When I woke up I had this conviction that if I prayed with enough faith, this block would shift. So I did just that. I went down on my knees and talked to my creator about my plight and needs-and so here I am. Just finished this piece!
Thank you Master!
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Here I am talking about releasing yourself from social constraints. My online Thesaurus describes the word liberate as “to set somebody free from traditional socially imposed constraints such as those arising from stereotyping by gender or age.” As we traverse through life from birth to death, we come across people, events and norms that bind us or shackle us. Most of the time it is not easy for one to know they are bound until an outside event
triggers an awakening at soul level. It is at this time that one starts
questioning the status quo but also risks being labeled a rebel or misfit. Thus one needs to understand the liberation
process and carefully manage it for success. I will give a few
instances where you might need to set yourself free.
Liberating yourself from childhood traumas
If you are a woman, you could have been brought up under a strict cultural environment where a girl child has to conform to certain norms within society. For example, the idea that women are inferior to men and so they have to be submissive. Most women have problems speaking out or taking up leadership
positions in business as they view themselves as not being capable of challenging their male colleagues. There is also another trauma where girls are supposed to do most of the household chores and conform to the norm
that “a woman’s place is in the kitchen.” These societal constraints from childhood continue to haunt women as
However, as more and more women get educated and mix and mingle with other cultures, they are awakened to the fact that human beings are created equal and so have equal rights. The only species that need to be dominated are the animal and plant kingdoms. It is at such times that an individual needs to realize the power of love. Loving yourself fully opens the door to more discoveries and abundance. But how can one love and accept their inadequate self. A gap exists between what they are accustomed to and the new beliefs.This is where the idea of forgiving yourself plays an important role. Also forgive those that have put you in bondage. It could be your ancestors, parents or society. Acknowledge the fact that as an individual you deserve equal opportunities and love. So begin by empowering yourself through forgiving yourself. Then you can forgive the rest. Self-hate and carrying grudges only serves to keep you bound to the past. You need to put the burden down and create
room for self-discovery.
Liberating yourself from parental control
Whether male or female, you could be subject to parental control even as an adult. The idea was for parents to be responsible for their children’s welfare up to a certain age. This is why there are some milestones in one’s life such as early childhood, teenage, young adult, full adult etc. and these are marked by age groups. I believe that when a child reaches adulthood, it is time for parents to let go but this might not happen naturally. Thus there are instances of adults who are bound and controlled by one or both parents. In African tradition, a child will always be a child into old age. Alternatively, women will always be minors. Hence, these people will always consult with and get approval from their parents before making any major decisions.
Another subtle form of bondage is the traditional belief that a child is indebted to the parents who would have sacrificed to provide for the child. So the expectation is that the child should pay back in gratitude to the parents. However, this societal constraint limits the individual’s ability to progress in life as they are forever paying a non-ending debt. It is this socially imposed belief that results in the battle between in-laws. Mother’s in law want to perpetuate control of their sons and meddle in their marriages by demanding large sums of money as compensation for the trouble they went through. Some parents demand certain ongoing responsibilities from their children to ensure that they are well provided into old age. Regardless of the child’s performance in life, this
obligation remains intact and can choke the life out of the individual who has to keep up with their peers while at the same time keeping up with parental demands.
Removing parental control can be a stubborn form of bondage as one risks being considered rebellious, outcast and in some cultures it is taboo to speak out, especially against your mother. Traditionally, some retribution comes with such an act. It is therefore crucial that when awakened to the existence of such control one takes time to acknowledge the problem. Without acknowledging the problem, fear of retribution can act as another set of chains. After acknowledging the problem, one needs to discuss with other people who might or might not be facing such challenges. This helps to put perspective to the issue and bring more understanding. Some form of prayer also helps strengthen one’s inner resolve and to dissolve the fear. One needs to acknowledge connection to source/God that is the creator. When this realization comes about, it is easy to see objectively the role played by parents. This brings further realization that one does not need to do anything beyond what they afford their creator, for their parents are simply co-creators under instruction. Once the assignment is complete, there should be no further obligation. As God has granted us free will and we choose what we want to do with him, the same is applied to parents.One should not feel obliged beyond their free will. However, when one is bound, they feel more obligated toward parents instead of God/Creator/Source.
Therefore, in all cases where you have decided to liberate yourself, one needs to apply these principles:
1. acknowledge the existence of a problem
2. forgive yourself and those that have contributed to your bondage
3. talk to other people
4. pray/meditate over the issue and what you need to do
5. make a decision to love yourself and change things
6. exercise your God given right of free will
This article is a result of personal experiences and the tools applied to overcome the problem of bondage. Please feel free to comment, share or to receive more inspiring articles, SUBSCRIBE to my mailing list.
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Mosline Farawu is a creative writer who likes to share her thoughts and observations . It is my hope that many will find healing through such writings.