Here I am talking about releasing yourself from social constraints. My online Thesaurus describes the word liberate as “to set somebody free from traditional socially imposed constraints such as those arising from stereotyping by gender or age.” As we traverse through life from birth to death, we come across people, events and norms that bind us or shackle us. Most of the time it is not easy for one to know they are bound until an outside event
triggers an awakening at soul level. It is at this time that one starts
questioning the status quo but also risks being labeled a rebel or misfit. Thus one needs to understand the liberation
process and carefully manage it for success. I will give a few
instances where you might need to set yourself free.
Liberating yourself from childhood traumas
If you are a woman, you could have been brought up under a strict cultural environment where a girl child has to conform to certain norms within society. For example, the idea that women are inferior to men and so they have to be submissive. Most women have problems speaking out or taking up leadership
positions in business as they view themselves as not being capable of challenging their male colleagues. There is also another trauma where girls are supposed to do most of the household chores and conform to the norm
that “a woman’s place is in the kitchen.” These societal constraints from childhood continue to haunt women as
However, as more and more women get educated and mix and mingle with other cultures, they are awakened to the fact that human beings are created equal and so have equal rights. The only species that need to be dominated are the animal and plant kingdoms. It is at such times that an individual needs to realize the power of love. Loving yourself fully opens the door to more discoveries and abundance. But how can one love and accept their inadequate self. A gap exists between what they are accustomed to and the new beliefs.This is where the idea of forgiving yourself plays an important role. Also forgive those that have put you in bondage. It could be your ancestors, parents or society. Acknowledge the fact that as an individual you deserve equal opportunities and love. So begin by empowering yourself through forgiving yourself. Then you can forgive the rest. Self-hate and carrying grudges only serves to keep you bound to the past. You need to put the burden down and create
room for self-discovery.
Liberating yourself from parental control
Whether male or female, you could be subject to parental control even as an adult. The idea was for parents to be responsible for their children’s welfare up to a certain age. This is why there are some milestones in one’s life such as early childhood, teenage, young adult, full adult etc. and these are marked by age groups. I believe that when a child reaches adulthood, it is time for parents to let go but this might not happen naturally. Thus there are instances of adults who are bound and controlled by one or both parents. In African tradition, a child will always be a child into old age. Alternatively, women will always be minors. Hence, these people will always consult with and get approval from their parents before making any major decisions.
Another subtle form of bondage is the traditional belief that a child is indebted to the parents who would have sacrificed to provide for the child. So the expectation is that the child should pay back in gratitude to the parents. However, this societal constraint limits the individual’s ability to progress in life as they are forever paying a non-ending debt. It is this socially imposed belief that results in the battle between in-laws. Mother’s in law want to perpetuate control of their sons and meddle in their marriages by demanding large sums of money as compensation for the trouble they went through. Some parents demand certain ongoing responsibilities from their children to ensure that they are well provided into old age. Regardless of the child’s performance in life, this
obligation remains intact and can choke the life out of the individual who has to keep up with their peers while at the same time keeping up with parental demands.
Removing parental control can be a stubborn form of bondage as one risks being considered rebellious, outcast and in some cultures it is taboo to speak out, especially against your mother. Traditionally, some retribution comes with such an act. It is therefore crucial that when awakened to the existence of such control one takes time to acknowledge the problem. Without acknowledging the problem, fear of retribution can act as another set of chains. After acknowledging the problem, one needs to discuss with other people who might or might not be facing such challenges. This helps to put perspective to the issue and bring more understanding. Some form of prayer also helps strengthen one’s inner resolve and to dissolve the fear. One needs to acknowledge connection to source/God that is the creator. When this realization comes about, it is easy to see objectively the role played by parents. This brings further realization that one does not need to do anything beyond what they afford their creator, for their parents are simply co-creators under instruction. Once the assignment is complete, there should be no further obligation. As God has granted us free will and we choose what we want to do with him, the same is applied to parents.One should not feel obliged beyond their free will. However, when one is bound, they feel more obligated toward parents instead of God/Creator/Source.
Therefore, in all cases where you have decided to liberate yourself, one needs to apply these principles:
1. acknowledge the existence of a problem
2. forgive yourself and those that have contributed to your bondage
3. talk to other people
4. pray/meditate over the issue and what you need to do
5. make a decision to love yourself and change things
6. exercise your God given right of free will
This article is a result of personal experiences and the tools applied to overcome the problem of bondage. Please feel free to comment, share or to receive more inspiring articles, SUBSCRIBE to my mailing list.
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At a recent wedding, the master of ceremony gave a brief sermon. The title of his short sermon was “Nurture Your First Love”. When he started we all looked at each other wondering what this was all about and how this fit into the occasion. But as he went on, it was very clear that this was a message not only to the newlyweds but to all the married people in the audience.
When you first fall in love, everything seems so beautiful, rosy and moving in slow motion. He gave an example of how a couple in love tends to share everything. If they buy two ice creams, they both lick at the same one and
take turns; it does not bother them who eats the largest potion. A couple in love does not get tired of being together, in each other’s company. None bothers the other. But wait a couple of years down the line:
1. Sharing food becomes taboo. The wife can no longer wait for hubby to come home since by the time he
arrives everything will be stone cold. Hubby is now a workaholic who leaves the office at odd hours during the night.
2. The irritation is unbearable as his jokes suddenly become so boring and embarrassing if in the company of other people.
3. One husband spends his time with his friends at the pub. He comes home late at night and expects the wife to be cheerful and eager to please him???
4. Where there should be milk and honey- there’s sour milk and honeycombs.
5. If you want your partner to treat you like a king/queen, treat them like a queen/king.
The master of ceremonies rightly observed that men are logical while women are emotional. Thus one should not expect the other to behave otherwise.
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Mosline Farawu is a creative writer who likes to share her thoughts and observations . It is my hope that many will find healing through such writings.