 2 Major Reasons Why Couples Fight Over Money
Either there is too much or too little. That’s it…simple. It is quite fascinating how everything revolves around these two scenarios. We can argue from whatever angle we like but all boils down to these two facts. Let’s look at some examples of how this comes about. When There’s Too Much Money When there is too much money flowing in the home, people tend to be relaxed, throw caution to the wind and splash it around. Now if your partneris easy with money while you are miserly or the other way round, then you have a problem. People who are miserly tend to hold onto money, they are too attached and struggle to let go while those who are generous would like to splash it around. When such two people are coupled, there are grounds for fighting and arguments, accusations and counter accusations. Even if there is more than enough money, they still fight! There is more than enough but the partners just don’t see eye to eye. One wants to enjoy all the frills that come with the money such as holidays, luxury cars, nice clothes etc. but risks clashing with the partner who likes to trace where every penny has gone to. Some people shun the limelight and would rather lead a private life, not showing off or flaunting their wealth. I have read so many stories of people who lived like paupers and yet they had lots of money or gold and silver stashed somewhere. Others ended up leaving their wealth to charities or to their pets yet they never enjoyed the wealth when they were alive. Priorities differ It is difficult for the carefree partner as they have to justify every expense leading to resentment and secret ending. Some people keep secret bank accounts from their partners so they can fund their interests easily without risking interrogation and accusations. Then there is the case of men who when they have too much money end up with a string of concubines or “small houses” a colloquial reference in some circles. This causes strife in the home as interests become diverse and mismatched and lead to constant fighting over small issues while the main culprit remains too much money. Too Little.. Too little money in the home causes sleepless nights with arguments over what to prioritize. If only one of the partners is the breadwinner, they might feel justified in wanting to have the final say. The situation becomes worse if the wife is the breadwinner as already men do not like to feel inferior or challenged by their female counterparts. Too little money in the home causes a variety of arguments as any topic can easily divert and end up being about money. The husband might accuse the wife of wasting his money on non- essential items and on the other hand the wife might feel like the husband is not providing enough for the home or spending on entertainment outside the home. A lot of animosity between couples can be traced back to money, from decisions on where to live, how many children to have, what diet or entertainment to have and even what schools the children should go to. What can you do about this? Next time you have an argument with your partner, examine it carefully to see if it’s not rooted in either too much money or too little. If it is due to too little, then it is time to look at ways to make extra cash. Visit any of the videos on this page for guidance. Your comments are welcome. Plus discover the system that I use to make more money for my family –Instant access!
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How to Manage Family Relationships-Part 1: Relationship with your spouseRelationship with your spouse This can be a tricky but also dangerous relationship if not properly managed. But it can also be rosy if you know the vital secrets.  Secrets to managing relationship with your spouse1. Know each other well Knowing each other is a crucial aspect of relationships. It is usually best to learn as much as you can about the other person before you commit but sometimes whirlwind romances do happen and people end up tied down with a stranger. If you wake up and find that you do not fully understand or know your spouse-do not panic! You need to be calm and trace your steps back to where you left off but be patient. You need to ask relevant questions but do not hurry as your spouse might be taken aback by you trying to start from scratch. You need to know what your spouse values in life, communication style, love language, interests etc. You can approach this like a quiz or game where you choose a special setting like going out to dinner, movies, the beach or even relaxing by the fireplace at home. Make it interesting enough for your spouse to want to participate. You could even try a game of truth or dare. 2. Communicate effectively In order to communicate effectively, one needs good listening skills. There is no point in trying to get your message or point across if you cannot pause and receive feedback from the other person. Suppose you want to ask your spouse to do something for you, then your temper and body language should be right. If you receive negative feedback, then you need to pause, rephrase or drop the subject and try another time. Perhaps this was not a good time for your spouse, they are in a bad mood or there was a misunderstanding. Arguing and trying to force your point will not help as you would get a worse reaction as your partner becomes defensive by going on the offensive. If the request is coming from your spouse and you are not ready to receive and act on it then either just say so or ask for time to think about it while you strategize on how best to phrase or express your response. Then make your point as clear as possible because ambiguity causes confusion. Secrets to managing relationship with your spouse3. Give and take Remember a relationship with another person is a give and take affair. Sometimes you need to bend over backwards to accommodate your partner and expect them to do the same. Even the Bible speaks of “Give and You Shall Receive.” Normally you get back what you give but in varying proportions. Give some love and you will get a lot of it back. You also take a lot of pain as you manage the relationship and have to put in a lot of work too. However, a relationship should be balanced and not one-sided. 4. Allow individuality Each person is a stand-alone entity, thus it is necessary to allow individuality in the relationship. Healthy relationships thrive on letting each person be what God made them to be. Trying to mold someone to be like you will never work and this point is especially for possessive spouses who want to control everything to the extent of dictating what TV programs the other person should watch and what company they should keep. If your hobby happens to be napping, please do not force your spouse to take a nap when they want to read a book. You could be an “early to bed, early to rise kind “, while your spouse is a “night owl and late to rise type”; forcing them to do your bidding will only breed animosity. The best approach would be to find some common ground and take advantage of that space when the two circles interact to form a subset of common space. Utilize that space. 5. Celebrate the relationship Celebrate your differences, celebrate your similarities and best of all learn to live with each other. Have a vision and persue your dreams here. |
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Mosline Farawu is a creative writer who likes to share her thoughts and observations . It is my hope that many will find healing through such writings. Archives
October 2018
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